Happy Memories of Christmas Past as Jehovah Cried

We used to play games around Christmas time here in the office. We would play that game where you bring a present, and take a number. Then when your number comes up, you can either take an unwrapped present or take one from someone that opened one before you. Each present can be stolen 3 times. Apparently, Jehovah hates this game. It’s like raping someone I think.

We used to war red hats with white fuzzy trimming and a white puffy ball on top. Jehovah hates those fucking hats. It’s like worshiping cats.

One year we even had prizes for the most festively dressed employees. I won that year because I dressed fully in a borrowed Santa suit. Jehovah thinks I’m a giant piece of shit for wearing that costume. I’m pretty sure its about the same as if I had killed my mother.

We don’t do any of that anymore. Now, we have lunch and the CEO gives us a state of the company address. That’s because two dipshits in the office decided to become a fucking Witless, I mean a Witness and stopped coming to the party because the email said, “Christmas Party” on it.

That happened two years in a row where they wouldn’t come. They were very pleasant about it. Very “humbly” refused,  but wouldn’t even attend the lunch and update part, because we were going to play games after that. As though to eat food was to be thankful for a Savior. Jehovah hates when you are thankful for a savior on a specific day of the year. You might as well burn down an orphanage.

The CEO really wants these guys to come. He’s a great guy who wants to do something a little special for the people who work for him. These assholes should be there and partake of the food and be grateful that the boss wants to do something nice for his employees.

So…

We (meaning the rest of the entire fucking company) have gone to all the trouble and irritation of NOT doing anything that will offend the misguided (ridiculously stupid) beliefs that Jehovah gives two shits about this stuff and what happens? You fuckers don’t show the fuck up.  One of you even takes the entire week off (but not to actually celebrate the holiday, just to take advantage of the fact that the rest of the world does. I call that hypocritical) and the other shit eater goes out to lunch while we are all eating a company paid meal and specifically NOT celebrating the holiday. Fuck you guys. You won’t even come to a fucking lunch.

The two JW’s I know personally are huge, smug, assholes. I swear the next time one of you pieces of shit comes to my house with your retarded magazine; I’m going to punch you in the face. You people are the stupidest people on the planet to believe even 1/4 of the shit you believe.

News Flash! Everything in this day and age can be considered to have a Pagan history, you stupid jackasses. You fuckers shouldn’t even be letting your wives wear makeup based on the way anyone who does wear makeup is presented in the bible. Your prophecies are all wrong, and anyone who does tell people when the end is, is a lying piece of shit. The bible says that no one knows when He will come again except God. That tells me that anyone who says they do is not only a fucking liar, but anyone that follows them is fucking stupid.

I’m tired of bending over backwards for different groups who get ass-hurt because of something someone else is doing. Grow the fuck up.

Take your smug religion and stuff it up your ass you ball-smelling dick eaters.

I’m so mad right now I can’t see straight, but Merry Christmas!

I really wish you clowns had the balls to just come right out and say, “Look CEO, we are not going to come to your lunch no matter what you do to accommodate us. We just want to be noticed for having such brave convictions in the face of so much adversity and evil that exists at this time of year.”

At least I would be able to respect you for being honest idiots, instead of lying, hypocritical, bastard, idiots.